Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Bye Bye... See You After 1 Year

Decided to disconnect myself from all the vagaries of the life. I'm going to be away from everything (Facebook, Mails and Phone Calls). Not going to use my personal mobile phone and laptop. Going to travel to various Vipassana Meditation Centers and Organic Farms. Longing for Dhyana (Meditation) so much. I'm not going to call anyone or check mails till Oct 31st, 2013. Till then, bye bye... See you after 1 year.

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

The Monk Who Sold His Mac

Yeah, I was exited  to own a Mac Book Pro a year ago. Now, I've learned better ways to own a computer than spending a lot of money on Mac Book. And also, it is for me  to shift the gear according to my speed. Sold my Mac on the last day I was leaving the job and the island.

My interests are changed. I'll improvise and adopt ways to lead a money-less life. Linux is the best option for me which will cost less money. I'll go for it if I ever wanted to use a laptop again.

Never had many preferences in terms of comfort. Kept on shifting from one environment to the another without owning any living standards.

"Each of us will one day be judged by our standard of life --not by our standard of living; by our measure of giving --not by our measure of wealth; by our simple goodness --not by our seeming greatness." -William Arthur.

Saturday, 8 September 2012

Good Bye Seychelles

(5th September, 2012)
The affair with Seychelles (Known as paradise) came to an end. Reached my apartment after finishing work at 8PM and wrote a resignation letter 2nd time (I'll write more in future posts) and went to bed.

(6th September, 2012)
Today, the first thing I've done at my work was submission of my resignation saying today was my last day at work. I always wanted to have such freedom at any cost.

The cost I've paid this time was hurting my team mates who are so close to my heart. Sorry my dear buddies, I had to take a serious decision and I took it. I'm sure you all will appreciate what I'm going to do hereafter. Everyone of you made me feel so special. In fact, you all are special. I really would like to hear from you achieving more.

When I joined this resort around 2 years ago, felt saying hello with a smile to every person who comes across appeared to be a distraction. I wanted to be with me more while walking or eating. However, started enjoying the culture. Being in my own limits started paying respect to the saying "When in Rome, do as Romans." Now, I see people taking names smilingly is kind of cheering up each other. Here I'm, remembering 100s of names. At times, people wished me by my name even when I didn't know their names. That's when I asked "How do you know my name?" and it has become very popular in my team. Team mates wish me not with 'hi' but with "How do you know my name?". That made me to learn and remember more people in the resort.

In this 22 months, worked with 4 bosses (6 if I add pseudo bosses as well). It was like being a guinea pig. Every now and then, a new boss comes and experimented upon us. I was not ready to be guinea pig 5th time. I was applauded many times saying that I've a photographic memory and at the same time they kept refusing to delegate any responsibilities other than attendant duties. One boss came and promised stars and refused to give stones in reality. One boss came and said to me that my role was suppressed ('restrained' in her own words) and she was going to fix it. Nothing changed until I've mentioned that I was quitting.

As far as earning money is concerned, saved more money than I've ever did. But, it is interesting that now I've learned/got the wisdom to lead a money less life.

What am I taking from Seychelles?
Ocean? Yeah, definitely those images of ocean will stay forever with me. No regret for what so ever. I grew emotionally more stronger here.
Learnt to deal with disagreements/discrimination/selfishness/hypocrites.
Let me finish here and say,

Thursday, 30 August 2012


I was watching my nephew's photos and felt little sad. I'm not part of that family. I'm not part of their celebrations/sorrows/misery. There are whole bunch of people who are called my family and yet I'm too far from them.

Am I regretting for taking a decision to stay away? Not really. If I compare everything, this pain is nothing. Much of my opinions were changed after meeting a German friend whose childhood was in Orphanage. Every culture has got it's own advantages and drawbacks. Yes, statistics say that divorce rate is very low in India comparing to developed countries. It doesn't mean that there are more happy families.

In my opinion, the first priority is to be given to one's own happiness. In that process, happy families are born and so happy nations. Quest for happiness means, changing partners? No. Then how?  Changing partners gives happiness is a wrong assumption. In that case, where to stop with which one? I'm only telling that there is no meaning in continuing when there is no respect in any relationship. I'm not talking about changing, I'm talking about leaving.

Question: In the West, many think that sexual relations between any two consenting adults are permissible. What's your opinion?
S.N.Goenka: That view is far away from Dhamma. Someone who has sex with one person, then another, and then someone else, is multiplying his passion, his misery. You must be either committed to one person or living in celibacy.

There is a lot to write. But, I'm going away from the topic I've started. Women in India, why they feel so helpless? Why they feel so weak? Is that the culture which brain washes to respect/tolerate till the end of their lives? The same mind set of our people enable corrupt leaders to rule the country for decades. No culture/religion on Earth says to compromise with your self respect. It's all our wrong perceptions. 

Monday, 27 August 2012

Day Off

(Written on 29th February, 2012)
February has gone already. Very soon the time will come for me to pack my bags one more time rightly (Need to pull out my packing checklist soon).

Been to the small mountain to see the Sun-set. It always give me a sense of freedom when ever I'm on the top of the mountains in the middle of jungle. It appears that there is nothing is needed to be happy or to live a peaceful life.

The life ahead seems to be more interesting. But, why not now? What is stopping? Do I feel the need of little more money? Felling insecure?

I was going back to my room after contemplating on various things and heard some music instruments being played. My feet just followed the sound and reached to one of my Indonesian colleague's room. Sat for a while singing Sa Ri Ga Ma Pa Da Ni Sa with the keyboard. I missed harmonium (An Indian musical instrument) a lot. Harmonium is the next thing I'm going to buy in India. I love it. I can't post pone it any more.

Always had a check list for my day offs so does today. I complete most of them regularly which gives me some satisfaction. People quite often ask me what do I do on my day offs. I've a big list of things.
  • Cleaning the room.
  • Laundry.
  • Reading.
  • Writing.
  • Speaking. (To whom? To myself on various random topics and I record it in my laptop.)
  • Typing practice. (I want to reach 100WPM).
  • Meditation.
  • Walking.
  • Some time on Internet.
  • Some times, watch movies etc.
There are no people waiting for me at my apartment. If it is back home, there would have been so many waiting for me to share so many things. However, feel nice when ever I reach my room. 
Me and my loneliness...

Friday, 24 August 2012

What is your world?

Chieko Akari
I was asked this question recently. Now, I'm answering. But, the person who asked this question doesn't exist any more. It was Chieko Akari who asked me this question. She left this world on Aug-15th all of sudden due to brain hemorrhage.

I'm sure that the inspiration she gave will last for ever. Her dedication and commitment during Kdham (We did diploma in yoga together) will never be forgotten. I still remember the way she recited mantras. She was the best. I felt so guilty at the beginning looking at my performance. After thinking about it again and again it gave me a lot of inspiration. Why can't I, when a Japanese girl could learn sanskrit mantras. Definitely "Can do attitude". I've asked her to recite mantras many times to record. But, she was shy.

Dear Chieko,

My world which I want to create and live is self sustainable world, a money-less world, a spiritual world.

To make it more clear, I want to live in a farm using solar energy for cooking and electricity, growing my own food (mainly vegetables and seasonal fruits), meditating rest of the time. I'll open doors of my farm freely for all those who have at least done one Vipassana Meditation course any where in the world. In return they have to work on my fields at least 4 hours a day.

I'm not far from making this reality. I've already resigned to my current job (5 Star Resort) and it was my last resignation. I'm sure you would have visited my farm if you were alive. I didn't have any of your photos until you left this world. Now, I've managed to get one.

I've recently watched a movie called "The Japanese Wife" and I was about to recommend you to watch this. But, it is too late now.

With peace and love,


Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Mama's Boy Friend

Very often, I hear this from my western colleagues and feel awkward. Some people even talk about their Mama's Ex Boy Friends.

It's like this in western culture:
(Wife to Husband)
Honey! Yours kids and my kids are fighting with our kids.
3 to 4 generations are living together in India. For example in my family there are 4 generations together. I'm always away being an exceptional (May be some people would be calling me westerner by thoughts). If I have to respond to it, I'd say that I'm neither easterner nor westerner. I'm simply in pursuit of my own happiness.

Recently, some people were saying that how difficult it would be to live that many people together. Stating that there are so many different needs from newly married couple to old people. Yes, I understood their point. However, this is one side of the coin. The another side is many folds beautiful and complete. May be it seems sentimental to western friends who have grown up with step fathers, step mothers and step siblings. It is far from reality to imagine living with grand parents. How materialistic people are becoming.

People ask me " Are you married?" my answer is "No". Then they ask me "Do you have children?". What? Children? I'm neither married nor I've children. For them, it is very common to have kids without marriage or bride being a pregnant. And also, I'm not forgetting that this is their culture, this is how they grow up. I would have been one of them if I was born some where in western countries.

Monday, 20 August 2012

The Bhagavad Gita

Finished reading The Bhagavad Git (Hindu's Holy Book) with commentary writtedn by Swami Sivananda. It was a long awaited wish. Finally, could accomplish.

Today, I had to wait for more than an hour for the bus. I went to the church which was barely filled with people, took out my Bhagavad Gita and started reading the last chapter (18th). I was hesitent to do that at the begining. Later on didn't worry about anything. If anyone asks me I thought of asking them to read the same lines where I was reading it was about renunciation. It was good to have that freedom to read what I wished even being in Church. Very soon, I'm going to understand the Church more better than ever as the book I'm going to read is nothing but the Bible.

There was conflict of beliefs while reading the Gita rather I should say I couldn't understand more than what I've understood. Surely, I'll come back to it one day. Swami Sivananda was seen in his commentary all along.

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Tips (Monetary)

There was a good couple staying in the resort and attending yoga regularly who have checked out (They could check out but they can't leave from my memories) recently. They offered me tips mentioning it is a multi cultural gift (in his own terms). I'll mention why it is a multi cultural gift later.

It was reminding me my first experience a year and a half ago. I politely refused a guest who was offering me money after yoga session. I told him "It's so nice of you that you are offering money. It's my duty and I'm already being paid for this." Later on, I understood the culture of the hotel and realized that people may not feel so comfortable when their tips are refused. It was busy time when I started working here. Started accepting monetary appreciation from the guests. I was happy. Because, I could leave the job and go back to my farm quicker than I've planned. However, I didn't take too long to understand that it only happens in festival season.

Once a guest has given me an envelop and I didn't open it until I reached my apartment. I found a nice letter apart from the currency on which it is written "In God We Trust". When ever an employee receives a written appreciation from the guest there supposed to be a record of it (Here they call "Wows, Hibiscus Letters and Aspects" according to the situation). However, my bosses have been too busy to do those things and lost the record of such many appreciations. I'll put my best anyway, I enjoy the process itself not the only end of it.

Now, let me come back to the multi cultural gift I was talking about at the beginning.  I opened it and found currency of three countries together. Felt guilty of taking the favor from someone. Again, I was recalling the words of my colleagues "It is a means of saying thank you". That way, it was the biggest thanks I've ever received from one guest so far. I pledge, I'll make the every penny count. I'll never let down the hard work of others. 

Monday, 13 August 2012

House Keeping

I was wondering if I can get a chance to work in House Keeping department cleaning rooms (Villas). I didn't know whom to speak and where to go with that wish. I got an answer one day on our notice board through "One Day Discovery Experience" program. Signed up very excitingly without any delay.  However, it took nearly 5 months for our HR to put this into reality. So what? Finally the day has come and I've worked one full day making beds and cleaning rooms.

In House Keeping Uniform
I was shadowing one of the senior room attendants who was nice. He was fasting for his Ramadhan (In India we call it Roja) and that made me to feel sorry for him. It was not an easy task to do while fasting without water.

I was in search of the experience I've got while cleaning rooms in BSY (Bihar School of Yoga). I found it no where. It took me whole day to realise the difference. Many times in BSY, the lady monk who was in charge of rooms found dust even after cleaning for many hours. At the beginning, it was frustrating. Finally, one day I've asked her angrily, "why do you see everything in magnifier?".  She replied, this is just not cleaning the room, it is also some sort of personality development. This will help you in real life as well. You will start considering every detail while taking decisions in your life after you go from here. Started, putting my best and smilingly accepted what ever feed back she was giving from that day onwards.

In the search of that experience, went to clean rooms today. There were so many distractions to be one with what I was doing. Everywhere, my mind was noticing things which were wrong rather I say ignorance of the people. Found around 12 half emptied water bottles in one villa. Who cares? Have a lot of money. However, money is yours, but not natural resources.

In one room, found around 11 pairs of sandal and shoes. Yes, they are not going to be here for years. This was all for less than a week vacation. Who cares how many shoes you have? People take so much pain to show off. One great man said, people live and die in trying to look good.

While cleaning the rooms, I was thinking that there are so many people sitting in the office doing very simple jobs until I spent my last hour in the HSK office. There were so many calls and other jobs which they were doing. They make and receive around 1000 calls a day. It's huge. Good that I've spent my last one hour in the office.

I was asked to give 5 minutes yoga session for HSK staff at the beginning of the shift. Yes, 5 mins? How can I do 5 mins yoga? No mats, bare floor and middle of the other stuff. However, did it for the sake of it. Not sure, if they all will get a chance to do yoga again.

I've asked one of the HSK staff that what would she do if she completes 5 rooms before her shift. She replied, I'd not do quickly, I'd take all the time for my rooms. If I did quickly, I'd be given more rooms to clean and I'll receive "Thank you". But, nothing else. I was thinking monitory incentives can yield more fruits. 

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Bus Stop

Always visualized being in a bus drive which is going next to the ocean. Yeah, it has been reality many times since I've come to Seychelles. Today, I happened to spend some time in one of the bus stops next to the ocean. I could sit there for hours. The ocean other side of the road. Sometimes, buses and some other vehicles passed quickly. Simply enjoy that waiting time always. People coming and going. Everybody around is thinking without talking to each other. Today, most of the people who were waiting for the bus were horizontally challenged. It’s always a meaningless thing for me to go through all the pain of having more kilos on the body. 
What to do? 
Everybody has their own priorities.

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

The Walk...

I was sitting under the Bodhi tree in Gaya, the same place where Buddha got enlightened. My eyes were filled with tears. It was such a pleasure to be there. My emotions were over flowing. Saw two monks slowly walking around the tree, holding their begging bowls in the hands. They were moving very slowly, being aware of the every step they were taking. I felt that it was just not their body which was moving, there was so much to it. (Let me remember what took me there. It was the book I've read "Old Path White Clouds" by Thich Nhat Hanh. I've picked my next destination as Bodh Gaya as soon as I completed reading that book.)

Went back to the monastery where I was staying and bought one of the small books which was there and started reading. There it was written about walking meditation. Yes, I have done walking meditation once in my yoga course. But, the real picture I've seen was telling me that there is so much more.  Lifting, lifting, lifting the foot from the ground. Shifting, shifting, shifting the wait of the body. Placing, placing, placing the foot ahead on the ground and so on.

It was not long after, I have put it into practice. It was the best during Vipassana meditation courses. The little time in between 10hrs of meditation was the right time to do this.

Always liked long walks. Used to go for a walk for around 2 hrs during  weekends. I preferred to go to unknown places. It's always been interesting to go on a trip without pre decided destinations. Isn't it good to call it as a destination where ever we reach?

Now, if I figure out my longest walk, that was while ploughing the fields back in my village. It was around 8hrs continuously. I walk 5Kms per hr that means 40Kms in one day. That was the exact number of kilometers a normal human body is built to walk. In fact, we've unlearned those natural abilities. I was just a part time farmer. The full time farmers do this very often. It is part of their life and culture.

"In order to have peace and joy, you must succeed in having peace within each of your steps."
-Thich Nhat Hanh

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

చిన్నన్న My Farming Mentor

Those were my pre-schooling days spending in my village and farm. There used be one person working in my farm and he is Chinnanna my farming mentor. He told me many stories and taught me how to do farming works.

One day I’ve killed one small ant which was on my hand. He told me that I would go to hell as I’ve killed the ant and started describing the hell. I was scared off and kept on crying. Then he himself gave me a solution. He asked me to go home and take bath and offer a coconut to the God asking for forgiveness. I went to my mamma and told her with tears that I wanted to take bath again. She started laughing at me for my childishness. But, I was very adamant. At last, she bathed me and called Chinnanna to climb the coconut tree which was nice and tall for the coconut. After around 27 years, neither the coconut tree exists nor Chinnanna exists. Coconut tree died naturally, but not Chinnanna. He committed suicide recently. That made me to recall those memories spent with him.

He left the village in the name of livelihood. Moved to Hyderabad the capital city of my state. I’ve left the village for the same reasons too. But, he was always there in my heart. I have been thinking that one day I would show my gratitude towards him. But, it’s too late. There is no next time for me.

What surprises me is Chinnanna being so strong mentally and physically, how could he commit suicide? I think it is the city which killed him not those family problems as everyone is claiming. He was happy in the village. That happiness couldn’t survive too long in the city life. 

I’m very cautious not to kill any ant or any living being for that matter. How many times, I’ve remembered you in these 10 years. But, I never could tell you and now I regret.

You are the one who taught me how to plough the fields and how to drive bullock cart and so many other farming jobs. You would have thought that I forgot you as I was busy with my own life. So what, you could have told me, we could have fixed together as we fixed our farming jobs.

Now, I correlate all those farmer suicides happening in our country. Now, it is my mission to show those village(r)s how to handle this hopelessness.
Good Bye…

Monday, 16 July 2012

Dreams that are haunting...

It was for my marriage arrangements my mamma and dad were discussing and dad went on scolding mamma. I got pissed off and took off one of my slippers and held it with one hand, went to him saying if you don't respect my mamma, I would hit you with this slipper. Just after that, I woke up and felt relieved to know that it was just a dream. It was also some sort of help to me to foresee the future. If I do any mistake, surely I would end up having such similar scenes for real again in my life. It was a reality many times since I was 15 years.

Decades have passed since I left the hell like environment. It is still haunting me. It is a gift given by my parents. Don't know what will it take to get rid of such dreams from my sub-conscious mind.

It was not very long ago that I dreamt that mamma was crying back in the village and that caused me a lot of disappointment and I was also crying saying that “I have saved money adding one rupee to another while my friends are getting married and having children. And I’ve come back home now. Why? Just to see you people fighting and crying. What a blunder I’ve made.” Started analyzing my plans after realizing that this was just a dream. Thank God, I’ve not decided to live with those people again.

My beloved parents never understood how much damage they were causing to their children. They always fought in front of us, used dirty language in front of us. They were like animals. No, I can’t compare with animals even. They take better care of their kids.

My parents also would claim that they looked after us well by providing food, shelter and education. What to say? It was like giving someone a beautiful picture and taking away their vision. You never allowed us to realize our potentiality with all your fights.

You both created all the mess and named it as family. It was my mamma’s stupidity. She kept on bearing all the misery at the cost of self esteem, at the cost of her daughter’s life, at the cost of children’s future. And here we are, the products of disturbed/disastrous family struggling to catch up with the world dealing with all the aftermath you elderly people created in our lives.

I wish I could write everything until I don’t get any of these night mares.

Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself. –Oprah Winfrey 

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Management (Part-2)

People should be working not out of the fear, but out of the respect you earned through your ethical values. A sense of care and kindness is required. Being a leader always should set an example how to be the best in every thing you do. Passionate follow ups are required. One can never be a good manager having distance from the staff even after being closer physically. How good are those managers whose absence is considered as a play time for the staff. 'While the cat's away, the mouse will play'. It happens when managers try to work out things with authority instead of influencing the people.

It is also seen that mangers claiming that they don’t have enough time. Well! If manger doesn’t have enough time to be a manger, it’s better not to continue in that position.

It appears that there is a lot of vacuum for good leaders. Again leaders aren’t born. They are made as everything else is made. The price is the hard work. “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.-John Quincy Adams”.

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Management (Self & Others) (Part-1)

I chose to contemplate on management today. It is the term much talked about. For me, it is more of self management. I believe that everything begins from within, anything for that matter. How can you think that you can manage others when you are failing to manage yourself? When I say managing ourselves includes waking up on time, taking food on time, going to bed on time etc.. Yes, discipline descends for some people. After all, it is effective management which helps us make the best out of this life, doesn’t it?

 I think it comes naturally, when you are managing yourself, you can manage others too. I will try to recall what I’ve read long ago. “When people around you don’t know how to do, you have a lot of work to do. Once, you have them doing what they are supposed to be doing. You have nothing to do. True managers do nothing. Art of management is doing nothing.” And also, it isn't "Do it, as I say." It is "Do it, as I do."

One should remember that no one wants to be managed. No matter, how sophisticated the manager is. We human beings long for affection and belongingness. The real manager is someone who constantly ignites the passion to excel. There is an opinion that introverts can not be effective managers. I disagree with that. It is just a trait of the personality. I don’t think introverts are like vegetables allowing everyone to cut in pieces.

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. - Thomas Kempis

Friday, 20 April 2012


I saw a small booklet with one of my Tibetan friends and it is called “Bodhisatva”. I was so much impressed with what was written on it. He agreed to lend me for a while. I just recorded it in my mobile in my voice and gave him back. I don’t have any count how many times I’ve listened to it. The count continues…
Size    :11.9MB

What is Bodhisattva?
Being Enlightened.
37 Practices of a Bodhisattva.

A Summary of How an Awakening Being Behaves.