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I got down on the land where i was born 30 years ago last night(15/09/2008). That breath woke up so many memories. That touch of the ground made me feel so homely. I felt like disolving into that air,land, trees. I just couldn't pick up one memory from millions.
I was enjoying every moment. My village looks so great in full moon night. I was enjoying every step i was making towards my home. I felt like i was walking on the path of roses. I went into trance for some time. I wished that feeling should remain for ever. But, it didn't. The moment I saw my Mamma's face and all of my pleasure got evaporated. So much has changed in my Mamma. Everything got shattered. I was questioning myself that how good is money and career when my Mamma is suffering a lot. But, what can i do? Poor me. For my Mamma society matters a lot. This always been a dispute between us. I wonder on how much cost she is going through all this. Her life has been so miserable since she married more than 3 decades ago. This misery has even taken one of her children's life.
I was asking myself what all do i have to bring smiles on Mamma's face again? Money? My love towards her? Oh no. Then what is that? It is said that there is a solution for every problem under the sky and if there is none accept it. In my Mamma's case. There is one solution. But, she is not ready. That is taking divorce from her husband my so called dad.
I've threatened my Mamma by saying "I'll come in 5 months, if i don't see you happy and healthy. I'll never see you." No matter what you will do. Take my all the money if you want. Mamma's eyes became teary. But, i was controlling mine.
I left my village that full moon night itself by taking a ocean of sadness with me. Reached my sister's home to stay that night. Lights were switched off after some time. That was the moment my tears got burst. I was kept on crying till i got into sleep. I woke up again with tears. I was crying how good is my spirituality when my Mamma is going through this much of misery? I was crying that i was living in a virtual world. I was thinking that i became very strong and detached. Now, I've realised that i haven't put single step in that direction. Becoming a monk is very far away.
Mom, i love you.
(I'll be writing all about my life in future posts)

MARRIAGE

I've been full of so many thoughts in connection with marriage these days. What I ask my self is "Is that fair enough to bound myself with one family a small family? Is that all I can do in my life? What about millions of poor people around? What about orphan children in my country? What's the connection between marriage and my these concerns? Can marriage stop me from working for non profit organisations? Will my wife (If I marry) stop me from doing service to needy people? Absolutely, no idea. There are half of the chances if I marry blindly. What if I can marry a girl who is with same vision? What if I don't marry? What am I gonna lose?

Am I gonna neglect biological needs? Then, what about thousands of other things. Pranayama, Meditation, satvik food, good food habbits and positive thinking. Why every young woman and man is being compelled by the society to get married? Why not this society compel young people to practice YOGA?

Don't you think there is so much out there in this world other than going to office, leading a family, raising chidren (In spite of India has already crossed 110 crores of population) and running behind money. Why does one need more and more money? Why do you want moeny if you aren't going to marry? Why do you have to work for these multinational companies if you don't want money? So, I think marriage makes us very fond of money. Or else, we and our children will be lagging behind in this materialistic world. Bribary also comes into picture at that point of time. There won't be any limit if you are into Govt job. Marriage makes you to compromise with so many things.


One should know what to give up for what. Most of the families aren't happy. But, they don't walk away showing so many excuses. Even, we can change our Govt every 5yrs or before 5yrs if we don't like. But, how many years does an unsatisfied couple want, to walk away from a relationship? How many decades do they want? May not be one life time? Is that all you do in your whole life? Why we are so stuck up with relationships?
What about parents? Do we have to obey them what ever they say? It's okay if they are getting upgraded themselves according to changing times. It's not okay if you are doing just because their qualification is being your Mom or Dad. What is the cost of it? your life? Your freedom?

So many whys without answers. I'd like to listen from you if you have answers for me.