Monday, 16 July 2012

Dreams that are haunting...

It was for my marriage arrangements my mamma and dad were discussing and dad went on scolding mamma. I got pissed off and took off one of my slippers and held it with one hand, went to him saying if you don't respect my mamma, I would hit you with this slipper. Just after that, I woke up and felt relieved to know that it was just a dream. It was also some sort of help to me to foresee the future. If I do any mistake, surely I would end up having such similar scenes for real again in my life. It was a reality many times since I was 15 years.

Decades have passed since I left the hell like environment. It is still haunting me. It is a gift given by my parents. Don't know what will it take to get rid of such dreams from my sub-conscious mind.

It was not very long ago that I dreamt that mamma was crying back in the village and that caused me a lot of disappointment and I was also crying saying that “I have saved money adding one rupee to another while my friends are getting married and having children. And I’ve come back home now. Why? Just to see you people fighting and crying. What a blunder I’ve made.” Started analyzing my plans after realizing that this was just a dream. Thank God, I’ve not decided to live with those people again.

My beloved parents never understood how much damage they were causing to their children. They always fought in front of us, used dirty language in front of us. They were like animals. No, I can’t compare with animals even. They take better care of their kids.

My parents also would claim that they looked after us well by providing food, shelter and education. What to say? It was like giving someone a beautiful picture and taking away their vision. You never allowed us to realize our potentiality with all your fights.

You both created all the mess and named it as family. It was my mamma’s stupidity. She kept on bearing all the misery at the cost of self esteem, at the cost of her daughter’s life, at the cost of children’s future. And here we are, the products of disturbed/disastrous family struggling to catch up with the world dealing with all the aftermath you elderly people created in our lives.

I wish I could write everything until I don’t get any of these night mares.

Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself. –Oprah Winfrey